Learning to Say No

I read that the 2 year-olds favourite words are 'No' and 'Mine' because that's the age where they are differentiating themselves from the world and from their primary carers to form their own identity. The more they are allowed to say "No', the healthier they will be as adults because they would have formed a healthy sense of self. This so-called "terrible two's" is therefore a necessary evil to becoming a whole and healthy individual.

Have we ever found it difficult to say 'No' to people around us? I was talking to a friend last week who said that she was asked to do something and she said to me, "I realised that I wouldn't have been able to say 'No' even if I couldn't". On a worse note, if someone hurt us, are we able to tell them that they have hurt us and to back off?

Theoretically that means we probably haven't developed a good sense of self so we lack self-respect and we let others trod on us. Sometimes we even justify it by thinking to ourselves that we're being a matyr. Trodden on and disrespected yes, matyrdom no. One who willingly submits oneself for a greater cause - that's matrydom or meekness. One who doesn't have the guts to inforce boundaries and allows things to happen to them because they can't say 'No' - that's no self-respect due to lack of self-esteem.

Which one are you? I admit, I was the latter but now, thank God, majority of the time, I can say 'No' without feeling guilty. If I want to commit an act of kindness or meekness, I am fully aware that I'm loosening my boundaries for a purpose and will adjust my boundaries appropriately. It takes self-awareness and us being truthful to ourselves.