There's been quite a bit written recently about masculinity reconstruction - ie. Men have to learn to be more emotionally attuned, more connected with their children, be around physically more than their fathers, who were too busy to be involved, showed no emotions and when they did, was usually anger and spoke more criticisms than it was worth. So, due to the lack of good role modelling, men are struggling to define their role.
As a woman, I find that it's not only a phenomenon with the men. I can think of the many areas I feel inadequate about because of my lack of role modelling in my life. I can say this now with the knowledge that the inadequacies I often feel stems from that. I too have to reconstruct my feminity and my role in society.
Mum was great in as much as she could possibly be. But having been an orphan whose adopted parents died by the time she turned 8, and living with relatives who ill-treated her, mum had no role model herself. She didn't know how to socialise, she has a low self-esteem of herself, she was never one to be in the limelight for anything. She still thinks lowly of herself - not in a healthy way but in an unhealthy way. Whilst I consider her a matyr, she sees it as something she does because she has no choice. And that's probably true. She becomes a matyr because that's the only way she could find significance because she doesn't think she is worth anything else to anyone. How tragic. The more tragic thing is, that thought is now so ingrained that it's almost impossible for her to change without much pain. Pain I'm not sure I want to be the one inflicting.
Anyway, back to role reconstruction... isn't that something all of us struggle with? Maybe there might be some very blessed ones out there who had great role models. I tend to meet lots without, male or female.
4 comments:
I think many people prefer the shortcut of accepting and conforming to particular role models. There is a sense of security in just going with the flow, having let someone else plan out just what is and what is not appropriate behaviour for you.
While traditions and roles can help to anchor us, I think that in most cases they are harmful and restrict people.
I don't believe in masculinity and femininity. I believe people should be the best that they can be and no less.
Of course, people disagree with me. Men should be men and women should be women. I think we are regardless of our roles. For me, women have always been pretty and soft and smell nice. Men, well, they are just men (they all look the same to me).
I see no weakness for a man to be able to cook (I have to eat). I see no shame in a woman who can wield a hammer (if she needs to fix something, then let her fix it).
Hi there Richard! It's been a while... glad you're back! I had to get detoxed from the internet...
"I don't believe in masculinity and femininity. I believe people should be the best that they can be and no less."
That's probably the role modelling we need - to just 'be'. But at the same time, I think as a child, you need to be parented and the parents need to train and guide children. I agree, role modelling should not be about promoting an institutionalised set of thinking of how men and women should act, behave, dress and do. I think role modelling is about instilling morals, values, principles, how to live in relationships with other people, how to be balance and healthy body, mind and spirit. We need role modelling in how to do life without going with the flow and how to be self-aware. How to be ourselves, how to relate with other people, how to cope with the injustice of life and all that stuff that people normally don't talk about.
I can't remember my google account's password! So am signing off as anonymous.
Exactly! You expressed it much better than I did - I think I am becoming incoherent in my old age :-)
Marcus Aurelius summed it up best: "Waste no more time arguing what a good person should be. Be one." I am sure it is much tighter in the original Latin.
The Internet can rob us of much time. It is a lot like TV, it has its place, but it can also become a mindless diversion.
Come and visit sometimes, if you can.
Happy to, Richard. Catch you later!
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