Self-employed or be employed?

I must admit blogging took a grip of me at one stage and I was aware that I was spending too much time on it. So I took the cold turkey approach and stopped completely. But I've always loved to journal and knew that someday, I'll return.

Now almost 2 years after my last blog and another kid later, I'm hoping to venture a lasting return to blogging.

I just read my last posting and thought... wow, I don't think I can live that out. Somewhere in between then and now, we've increased our mortgage and had another child. What is more important now is to spend more time with my children and work from home if I can. And counselling from home is a bit tricky...

With another child in tow, I'm finding it increasing difficult to return to work for an employer. Not because there's no job, nor is it because I can't find a suitable job. I just don't think I'll be happy even if it's what I love doing, and, eventhough I have the help of my mum who has offered her her availability indefinitely for this first year. Maybe it's that streak in me that doesn't like to be bossed around. And there's an element of that if I'm an employee whatever level I'm on. If I work my way up to the top, I'm still a puppet to someone who is waiting on me to deliver their profits or their commitments to another source of stakeholder.

If I work for myself I don't have the responsibility of meeting someone else's agenda... I do not have an agency contract... yes, it's coming back to me now what I learnt in my Economics and Accounting degrees. I can do my own thing, work when I want to and take a holiday whenever I wish to. I can do things my way and not have to follow someone else's. However, I don't earn any income if I don't work.

On the other hand, working as an employee in an organization not controlled by myself means I get a constant stable wage and a few other incentive perks. The trade off is a stipulated leave entitlement, contractual fixed income and having less autonomy than working for myself.

I still like working for myself. I guess I value freedom more than I value security. But I've also come to be aware that if I go too much with my whims and fancy when it comes to work, I won't go too far. That if I don't have the 'stayability' in the one thing I'm doing and be consistent, I will grow old and not achieve much.

Hence it's my next dilemma - what do I want to commit my limited time to? I've been thinking:
1) I can do accounting and bookkeeping services
2) I can work on building up my clients in counselling
3) I can become a full-time share trader, and finally
4) I could also do a web business offering my financial organizational skills - mainly cashflow management I'm thinking about.

I would love to someday do something creative like run a restaurant or a boutique selling beautiful things that I like but I'll have to get a loan for that and have an initial capital. That's not possible at the moment coz of we've got huge mortgages now. I'm not hugely creative but I do have creative flair that seems to come in spurts... strange.

Lastly, do I need to work? Can't I just not think of work and just look after the children full-time 24x7? Well, no. Firstly, we can't afford for me not to pull my weight in the finances due to our huge mortgage and secondly, it'll drive me insane. We could sell our properties but I think we're at the peak of our income earning years and I would not feel totally comfortable foregoing those opportunities.

Well, that's where I am right now in my life. I want to work for myself and not be employed. I want flexibility and I need to be consistent and committed to one thing and build it to something substantial. I believe I need to give it at least 5-10 years to build it.