Christians need to share more with other Christians...

I've been a Christian since I was 8 and went to Sunday Schools since I was 5 and now in my early 40s the one thing that I find about the Christian life is the lack of people who would talk to you honestly about the questions of life and Christian living.  There are not many people who will listen to your issues of the meaning of life and the things that don't add up, about the tension and discrepancy, about the practicality of Christian living, and openly share their own struggles and conclusions.  Maybe because many themselves are struggling with those issues and still are.  May be because they just don't have an answer and don't know what to say. They therefore give standard regurgitated answers.  That is what makes Christianity boring and irrelevant.

You know what? It's ok even if there are no answers, to ponder about those difficult questions of life because it is when we come through those questioning times and still conclude that we will trust in Him regardless, that faith really comes to play.  It is those type of bare bone sharing and transparency that makes it easier for others to join in the journey with us.  It's ok that we are in a journey but don't pretend that life is a bed of roses, even as a Christian.

So I have resolved today to listen to those who are struggling in their faith, those who are babes and who are still tossing in the wind and to reason with them why we should still trust in God because there are more reasons to do so than not.

Lord, prepare me...

This song keeps playing in my head...

Lord prepare me,
To be a sanctuary
Pure and Holy
Tried and True...


With thanksgiving
I'll be a living sanctuary
For You...

Today, I choose to trust...

In my few minutes of peace in the toilet today, I reflected on where I am today and instantly I was brought back to when I was a teenager of about 18 years of age.  When I came to a point in my life when the pressures of this world became overwhelming and becoming a successful person in this world weighed heavily on my shoulders.  In my world and my mind then, success was measured in how well one performs in life; how much money one is able to command, how comfortable one is and how good one looks etc.  It was obvious that if I wanted these things, I have to earn it myself or go and get them myself.  I had to have qualifications and have qualities that attract employers who will then remunerate me.  My love for God and spirituality was not going to give me those things, or so I thought.  Hence I made the decision to put my head down and learn the ways of this world, so that I may succeed in this world or at least get enough income to give me some pleasures in life.

This meant Godly things had to take second place.  And in my mind then, to put God in second place is just as good as being a non-believer.  So I walked away from my faith, called myself an agnostic and steered myself away from getting involved in Church and church activities.  What took me away was the lack of faith that God will provide for my needs if I trusted in Him and followed my heart and did what I loved.  That maybe I did not have to do it on my own.  I loved the ways of God, and love being in that safe bubble.  If I had believed that it wasn't a bubble but a reality, life would have taken quite a different turn for me.

Today, I felt like I was at that place again where I have the choice to trust God or to run with my own steam. That I could trust in Him to provide, to rest and abide in Him; doing what He's asking me to do without having to run around like a chook with its head cut off to ensure I have enough to pay my bills (and believe me, they are huge).  And today, I choose to stay in the presence of my Almighty God and to trust that He will provide; that I do not have to control my own destiny - I just have to listen to what He's telling me today, and to obey Him.

Here I am, Lord

So, here I am Lord, a willing servant today.  What is it that you would like me to do or not do today?  What is it that you want to tell me today that I should be hearing less the noise of this world drowns it?  I want to be transformed by you and it starts here, today.

Hearing God

There are doctrines out there that says that God doesn't reveal and speak to us like He did with Moses and prophets anymore.  They say that He now only speaks to us through the written word of God.  All prophets who profess to be a prophet is a false prophet regardless.  I can't understand why people would say that.  The write well thought out arguments for their beliefs but you know what, I am still not convinced that God does not speak to us through prophets, gifts of knowledge, dreams and visions etc anymore.

To me, knowing God and having fresh revelations everyday is the reason for my trust in Him.  Without that relationship, it is but religion.  Being a Christian would mean nothing more than attending church, singing some songs, reading the bible and staying away from trouble.  BORING.  Christianity is much much more than that.  Those are only the tip of the iceberg stuff.  If one thinks that's all Christians should aspire to be and do, then that's all one will ever experience.

As for me, I hunger for His presence and for Him to speak to me.  I want to be like Moses who spoke to God face to face.  The bible says Moses was the most humble person on earth alive!  (Nums 12:3) and he doesn't even have to decipher any dreams and visions and receive revelations in bits and pieces.  God spoke to him clearly the bible says.

I don't know about you, that sounds much more interesting than reading a manual and not driving the car.

 

Why I need to blog

I was looking forward to this morning bible study - I must admit, not so much for the study but to meet and catch-up with the people in church.

I wanted to catch up with Shirley to talk about my thoughts on volunteering in the Community Support Agency at church.  I want to help expand the service and bring in some grants to service some programs etc... wanted her opinion on who is the best person to talk to about that.  But, she as busy organizing and preparing for the bible study.  Then came in Noreen.  I wanted to talk to her about what a great job her husband was doing at our house and about anything but she too got caught up with preparing for the meeting.  Then Sharon came in and she asked me how things are with me... I started sharing a bit and we got interrupted by Noreen asking us to sign Karen's 50th birthday card and if we would like to put in $5 for Karen's layby bike.  Then Kylie entered.  We started getting tea and chatted about what I did during the school holidays etc.  We proceeded to the table to talk and we were on a very interesting topic about the church she attended last Sunday... and we got interrupted by this card round again - the parcel came to be signed... so I started on that and Annemarie arrived.  She started another conversation about her struggles etc.  We were going to get into it when we were interrupted to break up into groups for the study.  I explained that I might have to leave early if I receive a phone call from our Westpac assessor.  Next thing was, my husband rang to say he's feeling sick and needed to be picked up from work.  So I left bible study even before it started!  I can't stand it that I no longer can finish a conversation without being interrupted.  That we do not have a lot of time to talk with one another, more importantly, to listen to one another properly without being interrupted.

So what is it about our lives that we lead so busy lives and are so used to not finishing our conversation that we don't see anything wrong interrupting conversations??!

The Biggest Challenge in My Life - dealing with the need for Financial Stability

Once again, I am at the cross roads of trusting in God wholeheartedly or choosing to manage it my way.  My way is to seek financial stability so that I do not have to worry about that aspect of life.  My way is to seek ways that will bring in a good sum of income so I don't have to worry about finances - ie. a place of financial independence.  But the bible says "do not worry about anything but in everything, by prayer and supplication, let your requests be made known to God".  It takes a whole different slant to life.  Financial Independence means I no longer have a financial concern or need.  I am self-sufficient.  I think God never wants us to be in a place where we are self-sufficient.  He made men speak in many languages because of that very reason - that men became to think that he can be self-sufficient.  That they forget the source giver of the things they have.

Having worried about finances for the last few years, I am now handing the reign to God and I will now trust Him to provide for me.  And when I say, trust, I mean, really... we have a house construction happening and I need to pay builders, tradesmen, plumbers etc.  we have a pretty huge mortgage to pay etc.  So, at the end of the day, if God were to take these away, so be it - His grace will be sufficient for me.  I have to learn to believe that in my heart, wholeheartedly.

If I am a wholehearted Christian, then I might as well come to terms with the fact that I will continually have a financial need but I am not to worry about this need - that my God will provide for the finances I require.  That I will continually have a need to clothe myself, my children, have food for the table, have a shelter over my head, have enough to give away, have enough to use for God's kingdom, have enough to pay the people I hire, have enough to pay the people I owe... and to also know that I don't have to worry about how I am going to meet these needs.

When I say to not worry, I don't mean to be irresponsible.  I mean, to not be excessive about how much time I put into gaining income - ie. not to have my main focus in life on meeting my financial needs - because this can be very debilitating for me.  As an ex-accountant, I can be very detailed in how I manage my finances, and this can be very time consuming so much so that it'll take up all my life!  So for me, I have to let go of some of these detailed managing of our personal finances and it means that I am giving up some control over it.  It frees me up to do other things in life like spend time with friends, children, husband, cooking, get involve in my community etc.  But I'd have to give up the nitty gritty stuff about finances.  So, some level of financial irresponsibility is necessary for me.  For others, this is not financial irresponsibility, it's just ignorance and perhaps for me, ignorance is bliss in this case! (I don't always think ignorance is bliss and good but in this circumstance, I believe, if it gives a more balance lifestyle, yes).  So, I need to shed off some financial responsibility.  And I think, over the years, I have done that and at times, this means some financial hick-ups for us.  My initial response had been :oh,if only I had been more..."  but you  know what? If I had been doing more in my finances... I would be doing less in other areas of my life... so I need to be okay with the hick-ups that happens because I have finite resources.  And, having dealt with that, I am now okay with that.

I need to trust that God will provide but I also need to know what He is calling me to do.  Having been so focused on finances, knowing what He wants me to do with my gifts and talents is now my dilemma.  It now frees me up to rediscover my passion in life again.  To do things like volunteer my service to my local community and to see lives change.  To help others with the same problems I have/had. To bring healing and hope to wounded souls because that's what Jesus came and died for and commissioned me to do.

Feels good to be back on track again!

My family - some Background

I am a from a family of 4. There are two girls and two boys. My sister, the eldest in the family is 8 yrs older than I. Then my two brothers, 7 yrs older and 5yrs respectively. I'm the youngest. But, I also have a half sister who is 7 yrs younger than me.

It's weird that there's 5 of us and yet I often feel like an only child. We are not close to each other, and I don't have much memories of doing much with them.

In our adulthood, my sisters and I have connected a little more out of life's necessities and age does seem to close the older you get. When I say due to life's necessities, I mean my sister has had to be inter-dependent on each other as we got older. The relationship with my younger sister is more a healthier one - not out of need or dependency so much but from a platonic gravitation towards each other. Perhaps that we're both more of the same wavelength helps.

Of my 2 brothers, my second brother is the one I get along better. He's always been the one that would make an effort to play with me when I was younger or seem to have more time to listen. He's more emotionally connected. He's a slow and steady worker and his career success itself is an awesome life success story which I might get to one day.

I was born in a little port town called Port Klang, an hour south of Kuala Lumpur in Malaysia. I studied my first 5 yrs in Malaysia, then the rest of my schooling life was completed in Singapore. In a miraculous way, I came to Australia in 1991 to study my tertiary education. In 1994, I got married to an Australian. I've basically left home since I was 19, lived in a different country and embraced the Australian culture.

The embracing of the Australian culture was not difficult in my case for many reasons I will explain in later posts. I felt like an open slate, waiting to absorb a culture that made sense and had more logic. In doing so, I took a large diversion path from the way of life and culture my family and friends in Singapore were living.

Hence begun a journey I am now on. I am currently struggling with that wedge of difference between me and my family members. The differences in views, perspectives, likes and dislikes... but still they are my family - that blood is thicker than water is true in the Asian culture but also complicates life and the cause of a lot of heartache.

I shall stop here for now as I have limited myself to time spent on blogging.

Spiritual Discernment

My struggle with Spiritual Discernment is not so much with the obvious sins. It's more about the choices that are available that does not have right or wrong to them. Should there even be a need for spiritual discernment in these things? I guess, at times like these, I cling on to the advice that if you don't hear anything either way, then just keep doing the last thing God told you to do.

Am I hearing the Lord say anything to me today? If not, then keep doing the same thing. If so, then be ready to change.

I have a few thoughts in my mind right now about what the Lord might be saying to me but I really need spiritual discernment whether it is God or is it me.

So Lord, I ask, please make it clear to me that I may know in my spirit that it is you.

The weeds are choking me...

The parable about the sower who sowed seeds that fell on 4 different medium - some fell on the wayside (on the road, I guess) and got eaten by the birds; some fell on stony ground and it grew but did not have strong roots and died eventually; some fell amongst the weed and got choked by the weeds and some fell on good soil and became good.

Sometimes I feel like the seed amongst the weeds. These weeds are towering and pressing. They seem to grow overnight and they grow very fast. It overshadows and overtakes quickly with no warning... before I know it, the weeds are in my space, my life and binding me.

How did it happen so quickly?

Time to weed out these pesksy things in my life. Time to identify the weeds from the plants. Those that need nurturing and those that need pulling out from the root.

Ok... so what would the weeds be in my life right now? The construction work that's stalled and going nowhere due to lack of funds. The uncertainty and tossing in the wind attitude about my work - swaying between making money and making disciples; between raising my children with scrutiny and with blinkers on...

The stress and pressures of life can so easily take our focus away and dim our perspective of the real world - our spirituality and spiritual eternal life.

My prayer today is that the Lord gives me spiritual discernment to identify the weeds. The Lord himself pulls out those weeds. The Lord gives me strength to grow in His purposes and to carry out His will. The Lord gives me His wisdom.

"Lord, I need you. Without you nothing seems to give satisfaction. I struggle to know and discern when things are of you and when things are of my own finite analysis and perception. I struggle to know when it is your voice I hear. So Lord give me spiritual discernment so that I can choose rightly."